Joe the Plumber, Meet Amy the Makeup Artist

I have no special insight here. Just a burning need to unload to post some snark on the news that Amy Strozzi, Gov. Palin's makeup artist, drew top dollar in the entire McCain campaign staff for drawing on the face that launched a thousand quips. I don't suppose Sen. McCain will be introducing her on the Joe the Plumber tour.

Mickeleh's Take: Amy Strozzi's other big credit is "So You Think You Can Dance." Maybe she can offer some terpsichorean tips to the McCain surrogates making the rounds of cable news today. They're going to be doing some mighty fancy tap dancing.

Palin's Wardrobe: Stop Whining. Those Outfits Are Fabulous

Politico broke the story. "RNC shells out $150K for Palin fashion." And everyone piled on. Ambinder (Atlantic) said "Republicans Disgusted." Koppelman (Salon) snarked "How real Americans dress." Tayor Marsh reminds us that Cindy McCain spent twice that for a single outfit. dday called her a "Welfare Queen." Josh_Painter (Redstate) brushes it off as a bargain—the money didn't just buy outfits for the Gov, but for her whole family. Pandagon calculates that John Edwards could have had a $400 haircut every week for 7.2 years. L.A. Times calls it a "$150,000 Wardrobe Malfunction" and a "one-woman economic stimulus plan."

I say, knock it off. Back in the fifties, Nixon kept his place on the ticket by telling the TV audience that his wife, "doesn't have a mink coat. But she does have a respectable Republican cloth coat, and I always tell her she'd look good in anything."

But TV was black and white back then. And generally fuzzy. Today, we're in a world of color and HD. I say, let Palin dress for success.

Here's the most delicious irony of it all. The official McCain response to the flap:

With all of the important issues facing the country right now, it's remarkable that we're spending time talking about pantsuits and blouses. It was always the intent that the clothing go to a charitable purpose after the campaign."

—Tracey Schmitt, McCain spokesperson.

Aren't these the folks who said “If we keep talking about the economic crisis, we’re going to lose”? Now that they want to talk about the economy, they're stuck with the visual dissonance of a hockey mom in couturier fashion. Oops.

Mickeleh's Take: Back in burlesque, they used the phrase "talking woman" to mean a female who could actually deliver lines in a sketch. Talking women were rare in the genre. Most women in burlesque were hired strictly for their looks. Palin may have started out at the Republican Convention with great reviews as a talking woman, but lately the more she says, the less voters think of her. Yesterday's polls say she's an even bigger drag on McCain than Bush. So Palin's a washout as a talking woman. Still, the outfits are fabulous. She wears them well. Don't begrudge.

Hey, John, You Earned Yourself a "Get Out of Jail Free" Card. But You're Still on Parole

John, my fellow prisoner, you did us proud last night, telling your fightened, hateful fan-base that Obama is not Arab (though you might have mentioned that it's okay to be Arab and it's even okay to be Arab-American). You told them that Obama's a decent family man and you said the members of your posse don't have to fear him as president. For that, I hand you this "Get Out of Jail Free" card.

But, my friend, you're still on parole. And we can haul your ass back into Demogogue Jail at any moment. What you did was good as far as it goes. But now you have to show us far it can go. Does it undo your running-mate's and your advertising's game of guilt by word association (terrorists-pallin' around-shady)?

You answered "Who is the real Barack Obama?" Twice. But many times did you ask it? Has your campaign ceased asking it? Look how nicely your new words fit your old questions:

John, you have, as the Prophet Hosea put it, sown the wind. And now you're reaping the whirlwind. Your campaign has attracted a core supporter base that is among the most fearful, ill-informed, hateful, and irrational in the country. You, Palin and your surrogates have expressed, magnified, and unleashed their hatreds. The vast subterranean river of slander carried out of public view by emails is now spewing forth in your rallies with calls for violence against Barack Obama. Are you going to take responsibility for cleaning up that sewage? When?

You've made a meme of "I know how to do it." Well let's see if you know how to do this: Can you stuff that foul genie back into the bottle?.

You're auditioning for leader. Let's see if you can lead your rabble back to sanity. Let's see if you can lead the Atwater-inspired, Rove-trained crew that you hired on a path back to rational discourse? Can you lead your Vice Presidential choice away from her winky-poo demagoguery? Can you lead your estranged and bullying base back into the American family?

We're watching.

Mickeleh's Take: John, I'm so proud of my country because it isn't falling for the same old Nixon-spawned politics of division that your team attempted. They don't believe, don't even have much interest in the scurrilous messages you approved. And have you noticed the growing chorus of decent conservatives and Republicans who have spoken out agains your wretched, lying, dangerous tactics? I don't expect you to listen to me. But how about listening to them? I don't think you can save your campaign any more, but there's a chance might be able to save some shred of your reputation. Get out of jail, my fellow prisoner. Get off parole. Be a mensch.

Guess Who's the Real Crypto Muslim in This Race

Hat tip to John Green, (author, vlogbrother, nerdfighter, and anagrammarian) for getting me thinking about vice presidential anagrams this morning.

I soon discovered that Sarah Palin anagrams to "Sharia plan." So, clearly, she's the one who plans to institute Muslim law in the United States.

By the way, John's favored anagrams for the candidates:

I need job (Joe Biden)
Las Piranha (Sarah Palin)

Mickeleh's Take: Other anagrams for Sarah Palin include:
a sharp nail
a plain rash
anal parish
has anal rip
(but you didn't hear them from me.)

Two apt anagrams for Joe Biden:
jibe node
jibe done.

McCain and Palin: Double Standard?

L. John McCain, speaking in Indepedence, MO, Oct. 1
R. Sarah Palin, at the V.P. debate in St. Louis, Missouri, Oct. 3.

Mickeleh's Take: The eyes have it. When McCain does it, they call it a twitch. When Palin does it, they say it's a wink. Somehow that just doesn't seem fair to me.

VP Debate: What did Palin Actually Say?

The lasting impressions of the debate come from the visuals, the demeanor, the smiles, the glares, the poses. We all know that. But before it all fades away, it's worth taking note of what Gov. Palin actually said last night.

Well, for one, Palin said nookyular. There's one culture war I'm happy to sign up for: the Nuclears against the Nookyulars. If you can't pronounce nuclear, you just don't get to be Vice President. Stop trying to rhyme Nookyular with arugula. We've had eight years of nookyular. That's enough.

And then she said this:

"I'm thankful the Constitution would allow a bit more authority given to the vice president if that vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate and making sure that we are supportive of the president's policies and making sure too that our president understands what our strengths are. "

WTF? Do we know which Constitution she's referring to? Do we know what her intentions are? And if I may be so bold as to ask, does she?

There was a brief relapse into her Couric-era syntax of loosely connected phrases (includin' some more o' that "head-rearin" she's so fond o' warnin' us about—only this time it wasn't Putin doin' it. It was pesky mortgage lenders)"

...there have been so many changes in the conditions of our economy in just even these past weeks that there has been more and more revelation made aware now to Americans about the corruption and the greed on Wall Street.
We need to look back, even two years ago, and we need to be appreciative of John McCain's call for reform with Fannie Mae, with Freddie Mac, with the mortgage-lenders, too, who were starting to really kind of rear that head of abuse.... It is a crisis. It's a toxic mess, really, on Main Street that's affecting Wall Street.

Throughout the debate she made a string of assertions that ranged from dubious to infuriatingly false:

• that John McCain is "one representing reform" in our financial markets
  
• that he's the one who brought the folks in Congress together
  
• that he suspended his campaign
• that he put politics aside
  
• that he really meant "the American workforce" when he called the fundamentals of our economy strong
  
• that Obama supported raising taxes for families making only $42,000
• that John McCain is "known for" pushing for even harder and tougher regulations
• that John McCain's health care proposal is a good deal for folks.
• that Barack Obama "even opposed funding our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan"
• that our current troop deployment (152,000) is down to pre-surge levels (132,000)
• that Obama's plan for for troop withdrawal is white flag of surrender in Iraq"
• that Obama refused to acknowledge the surge is working
• that "victory is within sight" in Iraq
  
• that Iraq is the central front in the war on terror
• that Obama would meet with enemies "without diplomatic efforts being undertaken first"
• that John McCain knows how to win a war
  

On that last point, I need to ask, what is the evidence that John McCain knows how to win a war? Did he ever win one? Given his academic record (finishing 894th out of 899 students in his class at Annapolis), it surely wasn't book-learning.

Palin declared that she wasn't about to answer any questions that didn't please her, and proceeded instead to deliver a rote recitation of the misleading and discredited talking points that the McCain camp has been peddling all summer. That's treating her audience with the same dirisive contempt that McCain showed to Obama last week.

It wasn't so much a debate as an interrupted monolog. Eugene Robinson put it this way: "the pattern, so far, has been one of Biden presenting facts and Palin countering with… saying stuff."

The New York Times summed up the debate this:

In the end, the debate did not change the essential truth of Ms. Palin’s candidacy: Mr. McCain made a wildly irresponsible choice that shattered the image he created for himself as the honest, seasoned, experienced man of principle and judgment. It was either an act of incredible cynicism or appallingly bad judgment.

Mickeleh's Take: I said yesterday that even a perfect storm of Palin success, Biden failure, and Ifill bias wouldn't change the dynamics of the race. In reality there wasn't a storm of any magnitude whatever. Palin had, at best, a mild recovery. Biden's performance carried the day with independent voters in both the CBS and CNN surveys, and Ifill lived up to her well-earned reputation as a solid pro. On balance, the Dems are now two for two in debates. So the race goes on.

VP Debate: Talk About Your Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations

If you are a Republican you're ecstatic that your candidate actually can talk. You're proud she can duck questions and deride "the filter." You think she was pretty slick to co-opt Obama's change message and slap it onto McCain. And you marveled at her attempt to ward off any examination of your sorry record with a leaden rewrite of a Reagan classic: "Say it ain't so, Joe, there you go again pointin' backwards again." You loved how perky she was, with the beaming smile, the winks, the head tilt and the occasional puzzled nose-scrunching.

If you were grading her on a curve that also includes a tennis ball, an avocado, and that lady who showed up for the Couric interview, you'd have to say she aced it. OK, base, consider yourselves re-energized.

Mickeleh's Take: As for the rest of us, we're still scared shitless about what the Republicans have done to our economy, our national honor, our prestige in the world, and our constitution. We didn't find any substantive answers in Palin's presentation. Instead we found a rote recitation of discredited Republican talking points. We're ready to move on.

Groucho on Palin

Watching Part II of the Palin Couric interview, one of Groucho's lines from "Duck Soup" popped into my head:

"Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot."

Mickeleh's Take: Quick John, do another one of your batshit crazy stunts and maybe people will stop talking about your idiot trophy running mate for a sec. I know, go to Washington and scuttle the bailout. And, um, tell everyone you're just too righteous to debate while you're at it.

In case you missed it, here's Pt II of Palin-Couric

More Palin Banners

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Casting Idea for Gov. Palin.

How about if we just put Gov. Sarah Palin into a road company of "Annie Get Your Gun" and be done with her? Also starring Todd (First Dude) Palin as Frank Butler, Sen. John McCain as Buffalo Bill.

Mickeleh's Take: In a minor rewrite, we could give one of Frank Butler's songs to special guest star Levi Johnson: "The Girl that I Marry."

Banners for President Palin

Help yourself. Take one. Collect 'em all. Please use liberally.








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McCain goes for the PUMA bait.

All week the Dems have been telling us that McCain doesn't have good judgement. His first presidential decision—picking a running mate—confirms it. Meet Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska (44) who reaches us across that bridge from nowhere.

Ooh, look a woman. Oh, so mavericky. Guess that'll stick it to Obama for not picking Hillary. Hey, PUMAs (all seventeen of you)! You were right. McCain is the one, isn't he? (PUMAs here's your essay question: compare and contrast Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton. I think McCain just insulted you. Big time.)

The Constitution defines only two responsilities for the Vice President: To preside over the Senate and to succeed the President in the case of death or resignation.

Get that? A Vice President needs to be prepared to be President. Go work on the concept of President Palin for a while. I'll wait.

Back? The big case that McCain is making against Obama is that he's not qualified for the job. Get out your balance scale, boys and girls. Put Obama's qualifications on one pan, Palin's on the other. Can McCain say with a straight face (or even with his crypt-keeper's forced grin) that Palin is ready but Obama is not? Well, maybe he can. But that goes right to the issue of his judgement.

If (G-d forbid) McCain becomes president... and if (G-d forbid) Palin has to succeed, her only hope would be to appoint Cheney as Vice President and follow the GWB model. (Just kidding. A Vice Presidential appointment must be approved by a majority of both houses of Congress.)

Mickeleh's Take: First decisions: McCain goes for the PUMA bait. Obama goes for someone with deep knowledge of domestic and international affairs. Are you scoring this at home?

I've just made a movie of this post. You'll find it here.